memorial day

i woke up this morning dreaming of my eulogy. it was being presented at a poetry reading. after the host announces my passing, he goes on to recount some of my accomplishments as an artist, makes mention of my impact on the poetry community, then says, “oscar leaves with only two regrets…”

i can tell this is a dream from early on, watching all this as a member of the audience. there are many people who are shocked to hear the news. i gotta say, im kinda shocked too. still, i want to see how this plays out. notice who is genuinely moved and who could care less.

i play the concerned role. put my hand to my mouth when the announcement is made. not so much in awe but more to keep from laughing and tellin the world, “hey, i’m right here. its cool. just a dream, thats all.” and then my regrets become public knowledge. this is the part where my dreams change from black and white to full color.

all of a sudden, i can see the imperfections in everything. there is no high podium and soft focus on the hosts face. its all a stark closeup. hes crying. (i really didnt expect that) his eyes are war heavy and it seems like its taking all his strength to say the words right. he is one of the finest voices i know, a hero of mine, and now he can barely say my name without collapsing.

i cant wake up. mentally, ive committed myself to this road and the next turn off is beyond the immediate horizon. the grief in the room like hot asphalt and im stuck knee deep. i can run but my only destination is escape and standing still will get me there quicker.

im contemplating giving up the ghost. reality is laid out around me like a finely catered meal. the guests have arrived and are seated, looking to head of the table for the benediction. acknowledge the sacrifice of the body and the condensation of the spirit, now resting on earthenware and chalice. my perspective has changed, i am no longer audience but minister. the benediction in my head like the first poem i ever learned, like the poem i ever really needed, like the one poem all my other poems danced around. all thats left is my sacrifice. assume that and the cycle begins again. the circle returns to where it ended and we can end the debate of the linear nature of time.

the ghost remains. stuck in my belly. all the tears ive swallowed. this is where my sadness settles. no longer in my eyes. its where i eat. what keeps me alive but eats inside of me. a familiar parasite. the hunger for the meal ive imagined reaches a new zenith and all i want to do is cry at my own funeral but ive forgotten how to.

its hard to measure time in the dreamscape. the only thing i can tell you is that it felt like the moment you wait for bad news to come at you. how you anticipate a thousand responses to a simple question and then formulate a million counter arguments. thats about how long the hunger was inside me before the alarm clock when off and i was back in a more acceptable reality.

i was still dying and the regrets were hanging over me like the twin stars i was born under. the only thing separating me from my night skin was the knowledge that every day is another step closer to a new constellation in the sky but not today. i am too weighted down with regret.

i knew, even with the tears still in my stomach, that i was not meant to die just yet.

"And it’s you when I look in the mirror"

we start with a quote:

"Brooklyn bound and I left my heart uptown"
Willie Perdomo

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last week at synonymus, i may have come as close as i ever have to a full schizophrenic split. one minute, i am pissed in twelve directions at work, taxes and the general disarray of the show; the next second, i am up on stage havin the time of my life and even pokin fun at myself. at one point i felt like i was just bringin down the whole fuckin show and wanted nothing more than to disappear in the upper rafters. then i have to go back on stage. luckily, i only had to host the first half of the show but my mood got no better… until i got called to perform. then its back to bein all cotton candy and guavas.
-run energetically on stage (check)
-light banter (check)
-strike the heisman trophy pose (check)
-drop About B-Boys for all its worth with a chorus of djembes in the background (check)
-take a bow (check)
-return to sullen mood where you really dont want to deal with the rest of the world (check)

on the bright side, the show rocked and the future for synonymus in year four looks damn rosy.

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just finished an editing session with mara where we tightened up two of the pieces for this wednesdays feature. that girl has one of the best ears for poetry on the planet. back in the day, she helped me nail down the ending for Ceviche. to this day, i always hear her voice when i drop the end line.

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y’all should go check out veronica monte’s review of Pinoy Poetics. while you are at it, you should check out her blog as well.

*strikes the genuflect pose*

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in other blogoshpere news:

eduardo corral has decided to execute plan 66 on his blog so (inside joke bell) run dont walk! and check him out. his insights are damn cool and he is one funny mofo not too mention his reading a few weeks back at the 92nd St Y rocked on mad levels.

leslieann has started a new blog that (gasps!) actually questions our role as poets and tries to figure some stuff out in our role as a creative class. good stuff.

from said blog, you have a look at the sometime antagonistic relationship among poets courtesy of c dale young. speaking for myself, i have not really had to deal with any of that shit. there are people that i dont like cuz i dont like them, period. but i am always damn happy when i hear a good poem regardless of the source. most of my beef with people comes from outside shit and it just ends up being that we also both happen to be poets. now, if i was in some ultra competitive MFA program and i had mufuckahs tearin mah shit to the floorboards one second and then stealing lines and inspirations the other– i could see it gettin nasty. jus sayin’

this is just wrong (on many levels) –> The Official Blog of Fetus Spears

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clap like mad dog and give raj, kyra and eli crazy props for their upperCASE feature at bar13. i know for a fact how much work went into raj’s set. hes been thinking about this for a minute and then ironically came through with almost all new hotness. sounds like somebody i know ;-) raj brings great lyricism to the stage with an understated delivery that lets his more poignant pieces ring with out the normal hyperbole associated with performance poetry. raj also knows how to have fun and rocks the stage with an unapologetic smirk that lets everybody share in the joke. (lets see if he can also keep updating his blog as well. LOL)

i meet a lot of folks that write poetry but i dont get to many poets- kyra is a true poet. everything that comes out of her pen is dead on point. her imagery is tight and never self indulges. she comes to the stage with a take no prisoner attitude to boot. right now, she can feature anywhere in the country. a real voice that should be out there and be leading the way. i think my favorite from her set was “Reading Charles Bukowski is a lot like listening to Wu-Tang” any poet that can make that opening line work and deliver with the goods is the real deal y’all.

uppercase is normally a time that an emerging poet basks in the glow of new found celebrity in the louderARTS community and presents a set that shows off that new found glory to the fullest. it comes as no surprise that eli went in his own direction and presented THE most daring uppercase set i’ve ever seen. a series of short conversational poems revolving around the vulnerability of loss was a big mountain to climb. i would be lying if i said i stayed with him for the whole trip. a lot of the work presented up there was so direct one had to shut off every distraction in the room (not easy in the maelstrom that is 13) and follow every word and every line break to get the full effect. eli has shown me that my poetry ear still needs help in that area but i stayed through the meat of this set and came away impressed. eli’s closing poem was as good as it gets on the stage. raw, honest, innovative (he used the term “breath angle” to describe a position of sleep) and well delivered. eli is someone who makes mondays worth the trip.

and there goes a nice (unedited) rundown of the night. no tellin who the next crop of upperCASERS will be but i have faith that this community will deliver the goods.

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the yankees and red sox are goin at it even as i type. i got a pretty good bet ridin on this series so if ya love me then root for the yankees damn it!

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may decided to finally make an an appearance in the city and i plan on enjoying the weather this weekend and (hopefully) try to get out of my current funk

love ya like 30 silver pieces

REVIEW– Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

when the actual film was over, my immediate thoughts on the Star Wars franchise
“well, on the bright side, at least they cant make any more”

like a suckah i stayed up till 3 in the am to see this film. then again, i am ALWAYS up at 3 am anyhow. scratch feelin like a suckah. i also had the sense to go to the nerd.thug paradise which is the whitestone cinema in the bronx and avoided being on a line for hours surrounded by people that really do need to get laid. all this and i still cant shake this pure all day suckah glow i have. could be from the fact that i bought into the hype and deluded myself into thinking that somehow george lucas would be able to write enough good dialogue to make this film interesting. i was wrong.

actually, the one left holding the bag is the six year old inside of me that remembers going to the fordham road/grand concourse theater with my dad & sister, the ten year old that waited in the rain for the sequel and the schemin 13 yr old that took advantage of the fact some kid liked my sister to skip the massive line for (what should have been) the final film. all of them feel like suckahs.

at this point, everybody that is just as desperate as i was to satisfy the kid in them has gone and checked out the film by now. to the rest of y’all, if you really love see high tech CGI on the big screen, go for it. otherwise, wait for the DVD.

an actual review that encapsulates my thoughts of the film from a technical end can be found at the end of this post.

love ya like if i just robbed ya of your last $10

Entertainment Weekly
“The trouble with Revenge of the Sith is that we’re never really shown what we’re told about endlessly: Anakin succumbing to the temptations of power.” more…

BX1 Bronx Artist Festival

BX1 Bronx Artist Festival @ Downtown Bronx Café
(Corner of 149th St & Walton Ave)
Wednesday, June 1st 8:00-9:30 pm FREE!

Program:
No Imports – An evening of poetry with featured artist Bonafide Rojas. Additional readings from past BRIO – winners Elizabeth Bassford, Oscar Bermeo, Thomas Glave, Janet Kaplan, Mindy Matijesivic, Pedro Pacheco, and Rick Pernod.(8:00-9:30pm)

Purpose:
No Imports is part of the BX1 Bronx Artist Festival showcasing the talents of Bronx artists who are past winners of the borough’s BRIO (Bronx Recognizes Its Own) Individual Artist Fellowship, a product of the Bronx Council on the Arts’ mission to support and nurture Bronx artists. The BX1 Bronx Artist Festival is a celebration of these artists’ continued dedication to excellence as well as to honor those who have continued to live, work and produce art in the Bronx.

Artist Bios:
Bronx native Elizabeth Bassford is a 2001 BRIO winner and author of Yard Song, a collection of poems about her experiences in Jamaica, where she lived and worked for several years. She serves on the board of Exoterica and Poetz.com, co-hosts the Bronx poetry/music festival WORD, and is an education consultant with Scott Foresman.

Born in Ecuador and raised in the Bronx, Oscar Bermeo is the founding curator and host of the Acentos Bronx Poetry Showcase, a founder of the synonymUS experimental poetry workshop, and a member of the louderARTS Project. Oscar has been a featured performer at 13 Bar|Lounge, the Nuyorican Poets Café, the Bowery Poetry Club, St. Marks Church, Columbia University, Illinois State University (Normal), William Paterson University, Amherst College, Syracuse University, New York University and many others. His written work appears in the anthologies, I Just Hope It’s Lethal: Poems of Sadness, Madness, and Joy (Houghton Mifflin, 2005), From Page to Stage and Back Again (Wordsmith Press, 2004) and Parse (Friendly Fire Press, 2004) and can also be heard on the CD, 5 Past 13- A Little Bit Louder: Volume 1 (louderARTS Project, 2003).

Thomas Glave’s collection Whose Song? and Other Stories appeared from City Lights Books in October 2000, and was nominated by the American Library Association for their “Best Gay/Lesbian Book of the Year” award, by the Quality Paperback Book Club for their Violet Quill Award, and was named a Notable Book of 2000 by the Lambda Book Report. He has recently completed a second collection, The Trials of Taran J. and Other Not-Fictions, and is working on a novel, a collection of essays, and an anthology of contemporary Caribbean lesbian and gay writing. His awards include two New York Foundation for the Arts fellowships, an O. Henry Prize, a National Endowment for the Arts fellowship, and a fellowship from the Fine Arts Center in Provincetown. Born in the Bronx and raised there and in Kingston, Jamaica, Glave was named a “Writer on the Verge” by The Village Voice in 2000.

Janet Kaplan’s two poetry collections are The Glazier’s Country, winner of the 2003 Poets Out Loud Prize from Fordham University Press, and The Groundnote, winner of the 1997 Alice James Books New England / New York competition. New work from Dreamlife of a Philanthropist, a book-in-progress, has appeared or is forthcoming in American Letters & Commentary, Denver Quarterly, Hotel Amerika, Open City, and Sentence, among others.. She is the recipient of numerous awards and honors, including fellowships at Yaddo, The Virginia Center for Creative Arts, and the Ragdale Foundation in Illinois. She teaches poetry and creative writing at Hofstra University.

Writer and actress Mindy Matijasevic grew up in the Bronx, graduated from Lehman College in 1978, and began working as a social worker in her childhood neighborhood. She currently teaches at Lehman College’s Adult Learning Center. She was in a benefit performance of The Vagina Monologues at the Lovinger Theatre, and in A Chicken and Its Breast which was part of the 2004 Fringe Festival, and independent films Dancing with Kendra, Third Age, and Helen. She also appeared in David Byrne’s video Red, Hot, and Blue and in Spike Lee’s Jungle Fever. Mindy gives poetry readings throughout New York City and has had her work published in numerous print and on-line publications (most recently www.doorway2themind.com and www.roguescholars.com). She runs the Hidden Treasure Reading Series at Johnny O’s on Westchester Avenue in the Bronx.

Rick Pernod teaches creative writing at City College. He also administers the National Arts Club “High School Writing Contest.” For twelve years, he was director of Exoterica, the Bronx-based, award-winning literary series in the Bronx. Rick’s poetry has appeared in numerous publications, most recently in the anthology Blues for Bill. He also had his work recently translated into Spanish for the Nicaraguan Journal 400 Elefantes.

Pedro Pacheco (Dro Golden) is an MC with a passion for social consciousness and a devotion to the honesty and integrity of his hip-hop roots. Dro Golden was raised in the Bronx, New York and began rhyming at thirteen, “The Bronx is the birthplace of both hip-hop and my love for hip-hop” says Dro. He teaches poetry to junior high school and high school students at the Nelson Avenue and Jackson Avenue Family Shelters. Dro has performed throughout New York City at such venues as CBGB’s, Nell’s, Jimmy’s Uptown, The Nuyorican Poets’ Café, The Baggot Inn, The Bowery Poetry Club, and in Los Angeles at The El Rey Theatre, as well as at many colleges, including Columbia University, NYU, Rutgers University, Temple University, Stoneybrook, Manhattan College, Baruch College, Hunter College and even The Bronx Zoo.

BX1: Bronx Artist Festival 2005 honoring the individual artists who have been acknowledged over the past 16 years by our Bronx Recognizes It’s Own (BRIO) Awards. Since 1989, more than 160 artists have been recognized for their BX1: Bronx Artist Festival 2005 will especially focus on the talents of Bronx artists working and growing in the visual, performing and literary arts (Acting, Choreography, Dance, Instrumental and Vocal Music Performance, Music Composition, Performance Art (non-traditional), Performance Poetry, Spoken Word and Storytelling, Fiction, Non-Fiction, Playwriting, Poetry, and Screenwriting).

The event will continue as a biennial tradition and target different neighborhoods in the Bronx in an effort to highlight the important of the arts throughout the borough.

The BRIO Awards began in 1998 and continues to target those individual artists living in the Bronx. Former BRIO winners include musician Ray Vega (“Boperation”), choreographer Merian Soto (Merian Soto Dance and Performance), and choreographer Jawole Willa Jo Zollar (Urban Bush Women).

Visit BCA’s website for updated information on BX1: Bronx Artist Festival 2005 as well as other of BCA’s programs & events

looking thru old photos

please feel free to chime in with any captions

and dont forget to head over to synonymus tonight

love ya like broadway loves blinding lights



we are here to collect


from the now legendary magdalena gómez feature
profe, jannine, bonafide, maria aponte, raj and ob up front


the acentos version of a chorus line
profe, magdalena, bon, maria, raj with fish & ob


the FINEST group of series regulars you ever dun seen


bronx visual artist & acentos regular, sally dejesus, celebrates
the premiere of her art exhibit at the ethical society of riverdale
with the acentos crew