any given streetrat

rog’s birthday was stoopid in all the best ways. the first bar we started at was hella.corny and the fact that three black prep school grads was hanging out with their snoflakes like if it was “Any Given Sunday 2” was enough “oh, oscar, you are for sure going to hell for this jokes”

better music and more dancing downtown with a DJ that was getting on mah nerves at first (that Funkmaster Flex, let’s scratch up the opening with just the first two lines thrown in, sheet is annoying. punto) but then got better as he went back into time and played Crystal Waters, Tribe Called Quest, Run-DMC and then Ruben Blades… thats what im talkin about!

mara should really comment more on the rat in the subway incident cuz that shit was classic…

low.twenties b.boy comin’ back from a house jam probably somewhere in crooklyn looking to make it back home to the heights sporting baggy jean shorts and a XXXXL t-shirt chugging on some fruit punch in the 1/2 gallon container wit some new throwback nike bo.jacksons (red & blue on white)

as he’s makin the transfer from the F to the 2, he goes through the L station as your typical subway rat is sauntering (yes! sauntering!) through the platform. as he pauses to admire the rodents tenacity, said rodent steps right up to him!

“he aint even afraid of me… hell, he aint afraid of sheet!”

just then, the rat smells his kicks and then takes a bite!

“he aint afraid of nutin!”

not used to smell of new leather (and seeing it aint dat digestable), he scurries off to hide behind a pole next to the staircase to see who may be the next victim of his touch

money is still laughin to himself

i am stupefied

the ladies, mara & lovella, are freakin cuz they both have open toe footwear and are not ready to be the next harbingers of the plague

“c’mon, he’s gone!” i assure em though i have no idea where the lil bastard is and for some readon i get the feeling he still there, on 14th street, looking for some real cheese

kinda like “beat street” meets “the green mile” with a lil “even cowgirls get the blues” mixed in

inside jokes accumulated through the years…

-fah-fah-forge!

-we know you love platanos

-he is mentally potty trained

-tarantula or three bean?

-PEPPER!

-ri.COCK.ulous

-milk the thermal

-trash cans… OMX!

-(anything said at UPHA)

-think she paid her cable bill?

-(the opening riff to “It’s Just Begun” by The Jimmy Castor Bunch)

-she’s a braniac (hummed to the tune of “She’s a Maniac” from the Flashdance soundtrack)

-it’s a mosaic

-c’mon robin does it all the time… and he’s just a teenager

-just cuz baby charlie brown isnt here yet doesnt mean you are off the hook

-freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-i got two like you at home and one on the way, pumpkin!

-(after listening to “Du Hast” by Ramstein) yeah, what he said

-she looks like she just farted dr. j

-“well, i only lost my virginity three years ago” for real!?!? “nah, just fuckin’ wit ya”

-(in the lowest masculine voice possible) well, yes louis…

-afrodeus

-look!!! the moon!!! (snore)

-undick my hip

-the puto dance

-c’mon stutter boy! spit it out already!!!

-saranchinchon man

-the satin latin

-(after a friend tries on a purple hoody) you look like a ghetto “grimace”

-“why dont you ever tip me?” frankly, cuz you’re ugly

-the brown frankenstien

-(after feigning surprise at a large sushi tab) “it’s all his fault! your friend, all he did was eat, eat, eat!”

-the mountains of yaffa

-double dribble

-come ‘ere travolta

ITS ANDY GARCIA!!!

-like ’em? they came from the crack of my ass

-one size fits most… i am the some

la piña esta dulce

-his face is thinner than the illegitimate love child of skeletor and master splinter

-vulva, thats the color of the walls

-just keep turning the knob. it helps build up the water pressure

-(picking up the wrong phone line and yelling) WHAT?!?!

-you know what you did, stoopid!

-there… it’s sting!

-booth

-they look like three pier queens and their pimp

-starsky? yes, hutch?

all in all, i gotta say- life hasn’t always been kind but it does have a sense of humor

something for the kids

when asked to do this workshop for the 8th graders i asked the teacher what the focus would be and she responds- “i want them to believe they can be poets”

ok, i can roll with that. so i came up with a few useful and realistic tips for the kids, take a peek, see what you like.

ps- the big omission of the list is to schedule a specific time every day to do your writing. a key piece of advice that i agree with but have never been able to practically apply to my own life and it felt hypocritical putting it in.



TIPS ON WRITING POETRY

-keep a journal

-write in different colors

-never throw anything away

-copy everything to computer

-set up a special email that you can access anywhere

-find five people that you really trust

*show them all your work

*accept all their suggestions

*do not explain your poem to them

-read everything you can get your hands on

*magazines

*poetry books

*comic books

*fiction

*non-fiction

-find heroes

*study their work

*read their biographies

-never be afraid to not like something

TIPS ON READING POETRY

-read the poem in your own voice

-do not guess the intent of the author

-respect all commas, period, line breaks and stanza breaks

-be as loud as the room is

-memorize your favorite poems

-use your whole body when you read

-no introductions, no explanations, no apologies

-forever isn't as long as it feels

-pause for breath

-if you get stuck- repeat it till you get it right

-there is no need to apologize if you make an error

-if you forget a line

*pause till you remember it

*repeat the last line till you remember it

*go to the next line

-if you totally blank out, end it right there

-always take a bow

-always thank your listeners

RECOMMENDED READING

-Aloud : Voices from the Nuyorican Poets Café

-Burning Down the House : Selected Poems from the Nuyorican Poets Cafe's National Poetry Slam Champions

-Bum Rush the Page: A Def Poetry Jam

-Role Call: A Generational Anthology of Social & Political Black Art & Literature

-The Collected Poems of Langston Hughes

-Smoking Lovely by Willie Perdomo

-The Latin Deli: Prose and Poetry by Judith Ortiz Cofer

-Rose by Li-Young Lee

-Alabanza: New and Selected Poems 1982-2002 by Martin Espada

-Martin & Meditations on the South Valley by Jimmy Santiago Baca

-Something to Declare by Julia Alvarez

looking through some magazines about poetry submissions. biggest mistake- sending them stuff they dont normally publish. hence, you have to send them work that is tailored to their taste.

convo w. a friend “i did some work today that my professors would piss on but i really like”… past convo w. a feature coming to acentos “so what does your crowd like?’… convo over slam strategy “if the venue like funny, give em funny, its a slam- ya know”… convo concerning a modified lesson plan “the original syllabus was formatted to children of a higher reading grade; the new poems are more geared to their present literacy levels”… convo regarding slam “never pander”… convo about getting published “dont worry about what the editor thinks of your work- unless he says ‘no'”… convo regarding performance poetry “i am not out here to entertain, i am here to read my work”… convo regarding the slam “you cant worry about what five random strangers think”… convo regarding a rejection letter “never take it personal”… convo regarding the slam “kill the judges!!!”… convo regarding a rejection letter “what does the editor know?”